I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
