Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize