How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
