WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
