Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
