I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
