morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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