You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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