i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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