I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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