Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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