Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dicks are not precious.
I love you. Go after that dick
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