I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
