Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
