lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
