I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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