i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
