Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
