That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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