Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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