if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
