As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize