u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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