she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
