I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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