Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i think my cat just said my name.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
