I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
