so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
