did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
