you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
