Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he laminated a picture of his dick.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
