it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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