Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
