Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
