if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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