Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize