If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
