She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I party with great urgency now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
