were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize