dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
