Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
