So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
