Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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