I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
