All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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