I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize