I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
