I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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