I didn't shave. On purpose
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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