Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
