There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize