eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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