youre lurking in front of me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
