not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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