You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
