Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
