VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
