You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
