i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
