yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
