My first STD was from a foam party
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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