you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
