we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
His nipple licking is glorious
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
