Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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