The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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