Need sex. Gaining weight.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
