Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
