Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
