I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
