You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
