did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
