I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
