college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
