I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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