everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
