I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
